**Cameron**
Holden calls me from the car on his way to Ben’s new school; I put it on speaker so that Bode can hear, but tell my brother to keep quiet; he already got to talk to Ben this morning about school.
“Hey, baby.” I can’t help my smile.
“Don’t call me baby,” Ben snaps like a sassy teenager, making Bode silently laugh. “I think Uncle Holden is more nervous than I am.”
“Fuck off.” I hear Holden’s gruff tone in the background.
“He’s a softy.” I mock my bad boy. “Are you excited, Ben?”
“Yeah, I think so.” He sighs like the weight of the world is on his shoulders; it is, in a sense. This is a new experience for him, a new school, and countless possibilities for his fear of men to rise to the surface. “I’m ready.” He says with more determination.
“You’ve got this, bud. I love you so much. Give Uncle Holden a kiss for me.” I smirk.
“I will. If I can catch him.” Ben laughs. “Love you, Aunt Cam.”
I press the end button and send up a silent prayer, or plea, or a bit of begging that everything goes smoothly for Ben today. That kid loves to learn, and he deserves a fun-filled day at a new school.
“He is wrapped around your fucking finger, Cam.” Bode laughs.
“Ben?”
“Holden! Fuck, that guy is…” He sighs. “He loves ya, Cam. You know that right? And my kid loves him, so I trust him.”
I nod and focus on the road. Of course I fucking know that, but that only makes my guilt worse right now. I love Holden so much it’s hard to breathe through the intensity of the feeling at times; I need to admit my lie and beg for his forgiveness. We’re in this together—always together. He promised me that, and now I’m breaking that promise. This is the one and only time I’ll lie to him. After today, I’ll sit him down, have a serious talk with him about attendance records and the importance of a university education, and then I’ll always keep him in the loop. I know he can handle it. It’s me who needs to handle it; despite falling for each other, I don’t want to ruin his life. There’s more to his dreams than dealing with me and the Bratva, and I need to remind him of that. Often.
I pull into my mother’s house, my childhood home full of terrible memories and nightmares. I park the truck in front of the house, but neither Bode or I make any move to get out. It feels weird being here now that I know the truth about everything. I don’t like how it feels to be here anymore; this place gives me the chills, makes me feel weak, used and abused and I no longer want to feel that way. I’m stronger than this. I am stronger than I was when I lived here under my mom’s lies.
Bode looks at the house with a disgusted sneer on his face. “I don’t think I can ever go in there again.”
He’s always known about that night when I was nine years old, but now he knows who was responsible for it. Parents of the fucking year award.
But we will go in that house, we will be here, we will face this reality because this is our first step to recovery. This is how we move on with our lives. We face it head-on, we conquer it, and then we turn our backs on it and move forward without it. We don’t need this place anymore.
“Are they in the house or the barns?” Bode asks.
I look between the white-sided house and the three red barns. Something in my gut tells me they’re in the barns.
How do I feel about my mom, my dad, my sister, and my grandmother being locked away like animals in a barn?
Pretty fucking okay with it, I’d say. They never had any regard for my well-being, so why should I?
Bode and I are here today to decide what involvement we want in the process of getting to the bottom of our family lies. We haven’t really talked about it; I know what I want, I think he knows what he wants, but we never spoke the words to each other. I guess we’ll say it when the moment is right. How deep do we want to dive into this criminal life we’ve been trying to escape? The tables have turned, and now it’s personal.
“Over there.” Bode points to the barn where Viktor is standing, waving us over.
I drive the truck over so that Bode doesn’t have to walk far, parking where Viktor is standing. I look at the red building—the building that contains the sister I thought was dead.
It used to house horses. We had horses when Bode and I were young, and my father still lived at home. Anna, Bode, and I each had our own horse, and we would trail ride every day in the summer and then after school every day until the ice and the snow stopped us. I suppose that was all before my family plotted against Bode and I, or at least before they enacted any of their plan. Fuck, maybe that was a part of their plan. I have no idea what to believe anymore and the feeling is messing with my confidence.
I need Holden.
“Let’s just face this shit and then get the fuck out of here, Cam.” Bode gives my arm a squeeze of encouragement, grabs his crutches from the back seat and gets out.
I hope it’s that easy. I hope we can just face it and get out, but if history is where we learn our lessons, I know for a fact that it won’t be that simple.
I climb out of the truck with shaky legs and nervous energy. This is the first time I’m going to see my sister, Anna, since she was supposedly shot and murdered four years ago. I take a deep breath and join Bode and Viktor.
“We will wait for Ivan.” Viktor’s accent is thick today.
Waiting isn’t the best thing for someone like me. Waiting gives my nerves time to fester and multiply and turn into a million butterflies flitting around my insides. My stomach is queasy, my palms are sweaty, my mind is a clusterfuck, and my guilt is rampant because I need Holden and I’m the only one to blame for him not being here.
The air is cool and crisp; I shiver and try to shake off my nerves. I take some solace in the fact that, for once, I’m the one in the know-all position.
Fuck. I hope, anyway.
A black SUV pulls up to park beside my white truck; two of Ivan’s men get out of the front and my dedushka gets out of the back.
“Vnuchka, vnuk, so lovely to see you.” He greets us in our Russian titles.
Bode shakes his hand. It’s the first time they are seeing each other in many, many years. It’s the first time Bode and I know that our crime boss of a grandfather is not the one who was behind all the trouble in our lives.
I don’t trust that easily, so I’m still a little weary of Ivan, but he hasn’t done anything to cause full-on suspicion yet. No one has been who I thought they were, and now my eyes are open; I won’t be duped twice.
Viktor has been here keeping watch over our family. This will be the first time that Bode, Ivan, and I are all seeing them, including his wife who faked her own death eleven years ago.
“What’s the plan?” Bode asks him.
Ivan clears his throat and offers us a sincere smile. “We must decide that together, for today is the day we face our enemies.” His smile falters. “It is also the day we face our loved ones. What do you wish to do?”
To be honest, I have no fucking idea. A part of me just wants to see the look on their faces as they look at me and realize I’ve uncovered the majority of their diabolical plan. Another part of me doesn’t even want to see them at all, especially Anna.
The remnants of the fifteen-year-old, revenge-fueled me wants to bring them down and destroy them, and then the mature, loved-by-Holden part of me wants to turn my back on them and leave them in my past forever.
When Bode and I remain silent, Ivan offers us a solution. “Perhaps today we just see them and sort our feelings out afterwards,” he suggests. “We don’t prompt them, we don’t engage them, we just see what they have to say for themselves. They will either remain silent or dig their own graves.”
“Good enough for me,” Bode immediately agrees.
They both look at me and wait. Eventually, I just nod because I don’t know what else to say.
My phone chimes in my pocket.
Holden: You can do this, love. From earlier in the truck.
Holden: Tell me if David’s shoulder is still fucked up. I want to know he at least remembers my name. From right now.
A smile threatens my lips. He knows. He knows and he’s waiting until later to get me in shit for lying to him because he understands that I need all the strength I can get right now. How the hell did I get so damn lucky in life to deserve someone like Holden fucking Taylor?
Thank you for the strength, Holden. I needed it.

Viktor slides the barn door open and I immediately see his men. Four of them, all armed, standing outside a stall in the centre of the barn. A memory surfaces from my childhood.
This particular stall used to house my father’s horse; a mean, giant, stubborn old stallion who hated my dad as much as my dad hated him. His name was Garron and he was forced into this stall because the entire circumference of it was reinforced with steel beams. Now this stall houses my hateful, stubborn, mean old dad, and for some reason, I like that thought. I like when things come full circle.
It still smells like livestock and horses in here; the scent of worn leather and dust settles my nerves even more. The only light comes in from small, high-up windows that were originally used for ventilation.
Viktor leads, Ivan follows, Bode walks ahead of me on crutches, and I bring up the rear. Ivan keeps his expression blank and controlled, but Bode stiffens as he gets his first glimpse at our family. He turns his head away, regains his composure, and then stares into the stall.
I come to stand between them. I have no idea what expression is on my face.
Something strange happens in my body. The queasiness is gone, my palms are no longer sweaty, and my nerves are not on edge. Instead, I feel exactly how my grandfather looks. Controlled.
I step into the sliver of light to let my family look upon me.
A strength I didn’t know I contained settles over my body. For the first time in my life, with Ivan, Viktor, and my brother at my side, I feel in charge. I’m the one calling the shots now. I’m the one making the plays. I’m the one determining the outcome of this insane situation. It’s my turn to pull the strings and the power that sizzles through my blood is both addicting and dangerous. I exhale.
“Honey!” My mom stands from the bench in the centre of the stall. “Why are we in here? Why are we locked away? Surely, there must be some sort of mistake!” She is the first to plead her innocence. Digging her grave, like Ivan said.
Although she is playing dumb at the moment, this is the first time I’ve seen my mom alert and aware since I was a nine-year-old girl. She’s become quite the actor and I will never make the mistake of believing her show again.
“Our daughter has taken on a love of torture,” my dad sneers with a laugh as he holds up his bandaged hand.
That’s right, old man, I put that corkscrew through your hand, I shot you in the arm, and my boyfriend shot you in the shoulder. I wonder what I’d do if I had that corkscrew right now?
Tamp down the darkness, Cam. We’re only here to watch.
I look past my frantic mother and my sneering father to finally look at my sister. Anna, who ‘died’ four years ago at the hands of the Bratva, shot in the throat and expired from blood loss. At least, that’s what the coroner told us because that’s what we were meant to believe. Bode and I grieved her, we planned and attended her funeral, and I felt four years’ worth of guilt about her death because I thought my revenge mission spurred it into action.
It is my sister who I wish to hear from the most. How could she do this to us?
Anna, my dirty-blonde-haired, blue-eyed sister stares at the ground, refusing to meet my eyes. She won’t look at Bode either. I can see Bode in my peripheral vision as he stares Anna down, the same as I am, whereas Ivan stares at Svetlana, who is guilty of the same fake death ploy as Anna. But where Anna stares at her feet, Svetlana meets Ivan’s gaze with equal steel and determination. She has no fucks left to give and a mind darker than mine. Oh, she has a plan.
“Cam!” my mother continues to plead. “What is going on?”
I won’t give her a single fucking answer. She kept me in the dark for twelve years and I feel no love, no respect, no pity, and no remorse for her.
“Why, Anna?” Bode finally speaks.
My sister bristles at Bode’s voice, but her eyes never leave the floor. Together, we glare at her, a mix of fury, hatred, and even a little understanding in our eyes. We don’t know her story but that doesn’t mean I pity her either. I hope she can feel our eyes on her. I hope she fears not knowing what is coming for her next.
Ivan spits on the ground at Svetlana’s feet. Bo scoffs at the absurdity of this entire situation, and I find some kernel of strength within myself. I close the distance and stand directly in front of Garron’s old stall, its steel bars now mimicking a jail cell. I ignore my parents, I ignore Svetlana, and I stand in front of Anna.
She sits on a wooden bench in the very middle of the stall, continuing to stare at the dirt floor. I rip a necklace off my neck, a key charm, the key to each other’s secrets, she had said when she gave it to me for my eleventh birthday. I toss it at her feet knowing she’ll be able to see it.
I watch her stiffen. I watch her shoulders start to shake, and I watch her fingers twine together as it comes into view. Fuck you, Anna.
Deciding that’s all I’m ready for today, I turn my back on Garron’s stall full of my family, give Bode and Ivan a nod, and leave the barn.
