I am a mother.
On May 3rd at 6:34 am, I become a mother to a beautiful baby girl. I was in labor for 24 hours, pushing for 15 minutes, and then my baby was ready to meet the world. I cannot believe I pushed out a baby. Now comes a hectic life with no sleep.
My parents had gone home after she was born, and August and Gabby went home a few hours after my parents. That left me with Odell and our daughter. I looked over at Odell, who was holding our child. I could tell from the look on his face he was in love as much as I was.
"Beautiful," Odell smiled down at the baby.
"I agree," I spoke up. Odell, we looked up at me, and our eyes met. His eyes darkened, and I knew that look. He used to always look at me when we were alone. Not a sexy look, but a look that told me how much he loved me. He got up and walked over to me, and handed me her.
"You are going to have to get a bigger place," Odell told me, observing me.
"Yeah, eventually. For now, I think I'll be fine. Gabby and August went to my place to ensure everything was ready for the baby to come home. They got everything taken care of," I informed him.
"I could have done that," he said. I looked at him; he seemed upset that I didn't ask him to do it. Honestly, though, he was right where I wanted him to be... by my side through this.
"Your right, but I wanted you here with me," I told him. He looked away from me, flustered.
"I am glad that you allowed me to be in here. It was such an amazing moment. Also, getting to cut the cord was cool, too," he beamed with happiness.
I smiled up at him, "I would not have had it any other way Odell. I'm glad you got to experience it".
***
On May 6th, we got discharged from the hospital. Back in my home was much better than laying in that hospital bed. I was so bored at the hospital. They did have good food, though.
We returned to my place, and Odell carried the baby and all the bags in. I appreciated that. We got inside my home, and I immediately put the baby in her crib, where she was sleeping. I did not want her to get used to being held all the time. I heard too many stories about letting the baby sleep with you. I did also hear that it could be rewarding to have them beside you as well. I may bring her to my room, especially with all the middle-of-the-night feedings.
I found Odell sitting on the couch in the living room, so I joined him.
"Do you need anything?" he asked me.
"Not at the moment. Thank you for being with me at the hospital and just being here," I told Odell. He opened his arm, and I snuggled up next to him.
"I'll always be here," he said. We continued to talk, but after a while, I fell asleep.
***
I woke up, and I was in my bedroom; I was in bed, covered up. I got out the bed in a panic and ran into my daughter's room. She wasn't in her bed; I ran out into the living room and found Odell holding our baby girl. He looked up at me, confused.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
I sighed, "Yeah, I just panicked. Sorry". He walked over to me and kissed me on my forehead. Then he hugged me; he offered my baby girl to me. I took her and sat on the couch, and she was fast asleep. Odell sat next to me.
"Where did you come up with her name" Odell wondered.
"Well, I was searching for unique names, and I was reading a book, and that's how I came up with the name Avalon" I explained.
"Avalon is such a beautiful name. I'm surprised you gave her my last name," he added.
I smiled, "I'm surprised you allowed it. I know most famous people have a real DNA test and still won't let the child have their last name."
He smiled then. "Yeah, I know this is my child, even though she looks like you. I'd love to give you my last name, too," he added. I put Avalon in her bassinet and turned to Odell.
"Odell, I love you so much. I'm just protecting my heart. I don't want to get hurt again. I have to learn to trust you again, and I have to see that the guy that cheated on me is gone and is replaced by someone who wants to be a family," I told him.
"I love you more. And I know I'm working on myself, though. By the end of this year, we will be engaged," he answered. I couldn't hold myself back anymore, I straddled him (slowly, I was still in pain down there), and I kissed him. He hesitated at first, but then he pulled me closer, deepening the kiss. Our kiss was aggressive yet held a lot of passion. We missed each other, and our kiss showed precisely how much. At some point, I ended up on the couch, and he was on top of me. I didn't care what was going on; I just kissed the man I loved with all the passion I could give.
He pulled back first, breaking the kiss, the connection, the passion. As soon as his lips left mine, I felt lonely and cold.
"I'm sorry, I know what you just said and-" he began to say.
I cut him off, " It's not your fault, Odell. I kissed you, and I wanted to. I miss you, but this doesn't change anything".
After sitting in silence for a couple of minutes, he spoke up. "How far would you have gone"?
My cheeks got red, and I could feel the heat come to them. "Well, if I hadn't just had a baby, I would have gone all the way. Honestly, I'm glad you pulled back, I would have wanted more, but my body needs to heal".
He grinned from ear to ear, and all his teeth were showing. I guess he liked my response, meaning he wanted the same thing. I want to be with him, but he's hurt me twice now, and I don't think I could handle another time—especially not when all my focus is supposed to be on my newborn. I guess I'll take one day at a time and see where things go from there.
*****
The following day Gabby came over, and so did August. I was happy to see them. They were full of light and happiness. Odell ended up staying the night, which I didn't have a problem with. He tried to sleep on the couch, but I convinced him to sleep in the bed with me. I love to snuggle, and I needed it last night. Of course, when Gabby came over and saw that he was still there, she gave me googling eyes. I rolled my eyes at her, and we ended up laughing.
"Where is my niece" August said.
"Taking a nap, and she will not be woken up," I told him. He put his hands up and backed away from me. I smiled, and he laughed. We all sat in the living room, and I had the baby monitor in my hand, watching my baby girl.
"Dude, you need to get out of the house," August said. The boys were talking about something.
"Yes, take him for a couple of hours, please," I told August. We all laughed, and the boys stood up.
August gave me a hug, "Well, be back soon."
"Take care of each other," I told him. He knew what I meant, and he nodded. Odell walked over to me and kissed me right on the lips. I see he was going to play hardball. I kissed him back, pulling him a little closer to me. I could feel Gabby and August watching, but I did not care. After our kiss, the boys left, leaving me with Gabby, who was just staring at me.
"Okay, before you start assuming anything, all we've done is kiss," I informed her.
"Awe, I support you in whatever. I just want to make sure you are not being pressured into getting back with him. By him or social media".
I was confused. “What do you mean by social media."
She nodded, "August told me not to say anything, but when do I ever listen to him." She explained while pulling up the last ear things that were being said. After she pulled it up, I looked at the article, and the headline wrote, "Will a baby bring back Odell and Ashlyn?". Man, people can't keep their noses out of anything.
