I was ashamed to admit that I had shed a tear or two on my way home. If I was being honest, I shed more than a few tears on the subway ride back to my apartment, and I hated myself even more with each tear.
This was completely unlike me. I had never been one to get so worked up over a man before but when it came to Massimo, everything went out the window.
And the worst thing was that he probably didn’t even realise the effect his actions had on me. Except, for the second time now, I had been the one to propose sex. He had simply agreed and did as he was asked, and I had managed to get caught up in the middle of all this in the process.
Thankfully, Luciana wasn’t in when I got into the apartment – probably with Tony again. I didn’t know what I would have said to her, especially since my mascara had smudged a little around my eyes and there was no way I would have been able to deny that I wasn’t crying.
I quickly packed a bag with the essentials and a few change of clothes. After sending off a quick text to Luciana so she wouldn’t worry, I was good to leave.
It took a little over an hour to leave the city and get to my parents’ house. It was past midnight when I let myself into the house, but a few days of peace to clear my mind would be worth it.
I didn’t bother unpacking or getting changed as I crept into my old bedroom, pulling the sheets over my head as I buried myself there. With my face still wet with tears and my nose all bunged up, I fell asleep quickly and the next time I woke up, it was morning. The clock read half nine in the morning and I knew that even if I were to rush out of bed to get back into the city for class this morning, I would miss a good portion of my class, but I didn’t care.
The fact that all my classes were recorded, and I would be able to watch them after class had finished, that meant I would be able to hide out here for as long as I wanted. Or a few days at the very least. There was nothing better than a few days back home to get things back into balance for myself.
The house was nearly empty by the time I headed down to the kitchen for breakfast around half ten that morning.
“Imagine my surprise when I come into your room this morning to open the window, and I find you asleep in your bed when you’re supposed to be away at college,” mama chuckled from where she was wiping down the kitchen counter.
“Sorry if I gave you a fright mama,” I apologised as I moved over to press a kiss to her cheek. “What are you doing home? Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” I asked as mama always worked the morning shift at the hospital on Mondays. This sometimes bled into a double shift where she would finally be able to return home in the evening, so I was surprised to find her home at this time of day. Being a nurse was not easy.
“I called the hospital and asked to switch around some of my shifts this week,” mama told me as she proceeded to plate up some eggs for me. “I figured something must have been wrong for you to come home like this, so better if I take the day off. Besides, work’s not a wolf. It won’t run into the woods. And if you don’t feel like talking, we can eat some good food and maybe even go out for some shopping.”
“Oh, you’re the best, mama,” I said as I pulled her in for a tight hug. “Sorry I couldn’t make it down here this weekend. But I’m here now.”
“Have your breakfast and tell me what’s wrong, my darling Yasemin,” mama cooed as she placed a plate of scrambled eggs and toast in front of me. “Tell your mama all about it and you’ll feel much better.”
“I don’t know where to start mama,” I sighed dramatically before scooping up a large portion of eggs onto my fork and shoving them into my mouth rather unceremoniously.
“You can’t avoid which is meant to happen, so start talking, Yasemin,” mama ordered in that gentle tone that only mamas seemed capable of doing.
“I met a guy,” I started off with a sigh.
“That’s how it always starts,” mama chuckled and sent me a pointed look. “Tell me more about this new boyfriend of yours, and why you’ve been hiding him from your family.”
“He’s not my boyfriend, mama,” I was quick to clarify. “He’s just a guy that I’m…interested in,” I said after a brief struggle of picking the right words to describe whatever relationship – if you could even call it that – Massimo and I had going on. “I’ve only met him a few times, but I already like him so much.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I don’t think he likes me back,” my voice trailed off in a sad murmur. “Or at least, he doesn’t like me as much as I like him.”
“What makes you think that he doesn’t feel the same for you, Yasemin?”
“Because he has a girlfriend,” I admitted in a small voice, my stomach dropping at the words.
“Oh, Yasemin,” mama sighed and reached across the table to take my hands in hers. “I’m so sorry, my baby. I’m sorry this is happening to you, but you should know better than to pursue a man that already has a woman.”
“I know, mama,” I sighed, my lips tugged down at the corners. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I promise I didn’t.”
As I sat in my childhood kitchen, pushing the scrambled eggs around on my plate, I struggled to keep the tears at bay. I hated who I was right now. Who I had turned in to. I hated the kind of person that I had so quickly begun to turn into after meeting Massimo and realising that I couldn’t have him.
Why was my heart so hell bent on him? Why couldn’t it settle for someone else? Someone that wasn’t already romantically entwined with someone else.
Why did Massimo have to be in a relationship?
“Do you love him, Yasemin?” mama asked all of a sudden, catching me off guard.
“It’s too soon for love, mama. I only met him a week ago.”
“Your answer makes me think you do,” mama sighed, a soft, sad expression on her face. “Oh, this is my baby’s first heartbreak,” she cooed and rounded the side of the counter to pull me into her arms. “I know this is a really difficult time for you, my baby, but I promise it shall pass as everything always does. I know it hurts now but time heals all wounds, even if it feels like that’s impossible right now.”
“I promise I didn’t for this to happen, mama,” I sniffled and turned my head to bury my face in her shoulder. “I didn’t know he had a girlfriend at first. In fact, he still hasn’t told me that he’s got a girlfriend.”
“Then how can you be so sure?”
“Because I’ve seen them both with each other.”
“I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you, my baby, but your mama is here for you. Always,” mama promised me, bowing her head to press a soft, motherly kiss to my forehead. “I’ll always be here for you, and you can stay here, at home for however long you want and need.”
“I’ll have to head back in a few days,” I told her in a small voice. “But I think I’m going to hang out here for a while, mama. It’s better if I don’t see him for a while.”
“I also think that’s best,” mama sighed as she squeezed me. “Love shouldn’t be difficult, Yasemin. Love should be easy, and from both sides. While I do not know this man or the kind of person that he is, I can see that you feel strongly for him, and that’s why you’re so upset. I can’ say yet if the two of you are intended for each other but just know that if it’s meant to be, he will come back to you. Without a girlfriend.”
“Thank you, mama,” I sniffled and wiped my thumbs under my eyes before she could see them. “I’m not so sure about that but thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me for anything, my baby,” she bowed her head and pressed another kiss to my forehead. “You may have be in your twenties and have moved out now, but your papa and I will always be here to lift you back up when you fall, and wipe away your tears when you cry. I just hope that this boy, whoever he is, won’t make you shed anymore tears.”
I smiled a watery smile at her words and gave mama another tight squeeze before pulling away.
As always, mama gave some sound advice and by the time I had finished washing my dishes after breakfast, I felt so much better. Regardless, I was determined to stay here for the next few days in fear that if I ran into Massimo once more, I would end up unravelling again.
My fluctuating behaviour this week had been questionable as I never acted like this, but I was determined to put this past week behind me. Including Massimo Mancini.
After all, I had never been the kind of girl or woman to cry over a man. Let alone a man that didn’t belong to me in the first place.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
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Layla Knight
30.01.2022
