Jin’s POV
I watched Kyuu pacing in the hospital gardens. I should be upset when he ignored my concern to rest and went out but I am now more curious to observe him from a distance. He seemed to be arguing with an imaginary figure. He signed. He descended into dreamland. He blamed himself. He laughed. He made the loneliest saddest expression that had me the urge to hold him tightly in my arms and take away his darkness.
Was this how I looked three years ago? When I left everything behind, did everyone see me as a broken person? Was I labelled as a worthless lone wolf with no ambition?
I guessed I was. I would not expect anything less from that trash who are my family. Trash who always thought they were prestige and royal because of a stupid name and bloodline. Even more so from the social circle they hang out with. A bunch of conceited proud racists.
The more I mixed around, the more I hated myself. The attitudes I had to put up with, the fake smiles and phoney gestures I did to kiss the arses of the people my so-called family respected.
An escape was what I wanted. What I needed. I wanted freedom. Freedom to live how I wanted. Freedom to say I wanted. Freedom to be friends with whom I wanted. The freedom to be alone.
Three years ago, I made my final decision. A decision I had been planning for almost 10 years of my life. A vow to leave my physical self. In short, to kill me.
As dramatic as it sounds, it was a scam to leave. To shock everyone. To be “dead”. To kill my identity. To be just me.
I decided on the day of my birthday. My 21st birthday. The birthday everyone celebrated entering adulthood. The celebration to become independent, successful and happy.
All these “blessings” were a burden. A pressure. An expectation to uphold. I hated my identity. I hated my ancestral roots. I hated the person I was expected to become.
So, the vow was made. The perfect plan to erase my existence. Almost perfect. I miscalculated one possibility. The only sequel I would have never expected.
I fell in love.
That someone was named Kaoru.

Kaoru
He was an extremely cheerful person, always smiling and making jokes. I met him in our university library - surprisingly - when I wanted some peace and quiet. There was his hideout. We locked eyes and carried on with what we came for.
Kaoru was known in university for walking at his own pace. He often skips classes to laze on the rooftop, sleeping and/or eating in the sun. It was where I met him for the second time.
I did not plan to be close to anyone. But he was different. I reacted differently to him. He started conversations. And I followed. Before I knew it, he became a part of my life. Our conversations were special and quirky.

FLASHBACK:
Kaoru: Heya! The weather today is gloomy. Are you sad?
Jin: Huh? It’s sunny right now...
Kaoru: It’ll rain soon. My predictions are always correct. So.. what are you thinking? Why are you sad?
Jin: Who’s sad? You’re imagining things.
Kaoru: It’s okay if you don’t tell me. Just remember I’m here for you! Hehe
Jin: Weirdo...
Kaoru: Hahaha! So is said by everyone. I don’t mind it though. Makes me different. I like other things.
Jin: Don’t you have friends? Why do you keep following me around?
Kaoru: They don’t understand me. So what’s the point? I don’t please everyone. Friends is an overrated term that most people take for granted. When they don’t even know the meaning of friendship.
Jin: And you do? Sorry... Shouldn’t have asked.
Kaoru: See? That’s why I like you. You are straightforward and honest. I like you a lot.
Jin: Weirdo...
Kaoru: Hahahaha

That day it rained. I was sad. I just could not understand how he knew. He found my heart. And my existence. That was it. That was all it took.
In a heartbeat, I fell in love. I fell in love with his quirkiness, honesty, simplicity; and sometimes his brutality to point out my weakness and vulnerability.

FLASHBACK:
Jin: Kaoru, can I kiss you?
Kaoru: Huh why?
Jin: Because I want to.
Kaoru: Kays!! Be gentle. It’s my first kiss~~
Jin: Just shut up.
(Pause for the kiss)
Kaoru: That was sweet. Let’s do it again!
Jin: You little...
(I could not end my sentence because my mouth was captured by this innocent but cheeky devil)

I fell so deeply. To the point, I had forgotten my past and my family. I had forgotten my plan. I had forgotten my vow. I had forgotten my identity.
I enjoyed my time with him. I embraced my changed self. I was happy. For once, I wanted to live long. I wanted to continue my life with him.
That was before everything went wrong. That was before my identity took my life. That was before chaos appeared.
And then I lost him.
