I laid in the bed, trying to ignore his annoying footsteps walking towards the bathroom before annoyingly starting the shower. I forced my eyes shut in an attempt to make myself fall asleep. He’d probably have some kind of stupid comment when he’d come in here and saw that I was still awake.
Awful man.
Disgustingly handsome awful man.
Because he wasn’t anything if not handsome. The things he made her feel were almost foreign to her, despite having had lovers in the past. But somehow none of them were able to compare. Probably because they weren’t supernatural beings.
That must be it, he’s not human. He’s making me feel this way with the same juju Lux made my brain fog up with. I breathed out a sigh of relief. I wasn’t into him. As soon as we figured out what Ira’s intentions are and what happened I can go home and this infatuation will go away.
And I’ll forget him.
Somehow, that also didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t really want to forget him. Even if he was insufferable.
Thoughts of what my life would be without him filled my head and dread filled my stomach. I was so caught up in the thought of losing him I hadn’t heard the shower being turned off nor the footsteps that now made their way towards the bedroom.
But would I meet him again when I died of old age?
But then I’d look like an old lady, and he wouldn’t be attracted to me anymore.
I saw the picture in my head, my trembling hands covered in wrinkles. My hair thin and white while my eyes were barely able to make out his shape. I’d reach for him, but he’d disappear. He wouldn’t want me. The ageless beauty and the wrinkly old woman.
“Hey,” I heard him whisper as his hand came to rest on my shoulder. But I didn’t look at him. I didn’t want to.
I hadn’t even noticed I had started crying and I felt ridiculous. I’d only known him for maybe a week and I was already obsessed. It was unhealthy and I disgusted myself but I also couldn’t help it. They were feelings, after all. You don’t just stop feeling them.
“Lilly,” he warned while kneeling down on the floor. His hand now tugged me backward, forcing me to turn around. His concern-filled eyes scanned my face before a small frown appeared on his brows.
“It’s nothing,” I sniffed pathetically. I hated how weak I’d become. I was stronger than this but the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes decided otherwise. A single tear escaped my eye before another soon followed.
I reached up to wipe them away but Death beat me to it by cupping my cheek and gently wiping away the stray tears with his thumb. The gesture made me warm and the sparks from his touch made me feel butterflies in my abdomen. But that made it even worse and more tears came until I was full-on crying.
It was embarrassing, so I pulled my face from his hands and yanked the comforter over my head. I heard him move around and I gripped the comforter even higher in case he wanted to pull it away. But he didn’t.
Instead, I felt the bed dip beside me while he got in from the other side and scooted over to me. I didn’t know what he was trying to do until his calloused hands wrapped around me to pull me against him.
I now laid flush against his bare chest, heat seeping through the thin material of his shirt that I’d claimed as a nightgown. His large arms were heavy but provided an odd sort of comfort so I let myself sink back into him.
For a while, we just laid there. Eventually, my quiet sniffs died out and no more tears fell from my eyes. And still, he held me.
I felt bad about not telling me why I was crying, it was unfair and he was obviously worried about me. So telling him was the least I could do right now.
“I don’t want to forget you,” I whispered and I felt his grip around my waist tighten. My voice broke halfway through and I couldn’t help but cringe at my enormous overreaction.
His voice, however, held no judgment as he replied, “I don’t want you to forget me either.”
My heart jumped a little bit when I heard that, maybe I made him feel weird as well.
“Can’t you just send me back with my memories?” I suggested. “And then you can visit me whenever you want to.” I knew he could move between the two worlds freely, he’d demonstrated this before when we went out to look for clues.
“No,” came his only answer. A solid no, one that left no room for discussion.
“Why not?” I asked, turning around and lowering the covers from my face. He still held me flush against his own body and my nose almost touched his.
“Even if I’m the one who makes the rules, there are certain things I cannot do,” he explained. His face was now so close to mine I could feel his breath fanning my face. Only a little closer and I could kiss him.
“Right now, you’re here because I made it so. I bound your soul to a physical body but it’s also bound to me. If I lose my grip on that your soul and body will separate and your soul will be up for grabs and you’ll probably get dragged to heaven. I can’t get you back from up there, I don’t even know what it looks like.”
“This isn’t my body?” I squeaked out. The idea felt weird because I just felt like myself. I hadn’t even noticed. But if this wasn’t my body then whose was it?
“No, your body is back at the morgue. I created one that was designed after your body. That’s how I knew about the birthmarks on your asscheek, not because I checked it out at the morgue.”
I couldn’t believe he’d let me believe he checked out my dead ass for days.
“Then how are you going to send me back?” Because if I was going to disappear without him, what was he going to do after we’ve figured this thing out?
“The only way to get you back there that I know of is rebirth, you’ll maintain your age and appearance but you will forget everything else from after you died. It’s... difficult to do, but I can manage.”
There was just one major question that had been running through my mind. It had for a while now, but I never found a good time to bring it up. Maybe this was the right moment, then.
“Why go through all this effort? You didn’t have to bind me to you. You said it yourself that first day, you don’t need me. I can’t help you solve this in any way, yet you let me go along.”
“Maybe I do need you, then.”
That made me stop for a moment. He did? There were so many ways to interpret it but I knew it wasn’t because of my skill set since I’d seen him beat the ever-loving shit out of Ira in a matter of seconds.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know, but I’m not leaving you behind. We’ll figure this out together.”
The sheer determination in his eyes made mine water up. He may not have needed me, but he wanted me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and snuggled my face into the dip between his neck and shoulders.
“Felicity is coming over tomorrow,” he murmured into my hair. “And she’s bringing Carlos from wherever he’s been these last few years.”
“You make it sound like he’s been gone for a week.”
“What are a few years to an immortal?”
Because that was what he was. An immortal.
It was hard to forget because of his human mannerisms and sometimes childish behaviors but he’s been alive for god knows how long. My brain had trouble processing this knowledge so I stopped thinking about it too hard and instead focussed on the beating of his ancient heart.
Who knew the god of death was built the same way as us?
His warmth combined with the strong arms around my waist made me feel safe and protected. I knew no one could touch me here, not with Death guarding me like this.
I laid my head back on his chest and closed my eyes but sleep wouldn’t come to me. I processed our conversation in my head and repeated it over and over again. The uncertainty of my future was killing me from the inside out but I knew there was nothing I could do about it right now.
Death didn’t seem to have the same problem. His light snores filled the room and the vibrations of his chest soothed me. At one point, he’d rolled over on his back but I wasn’t ready to let go yet. So I clung to his body, desperate for that little bit of comfort he provided me.
I absentmindedly stroked the tip of my fingers over his ribs before moving on to his chest. It was smooth, a stark contrast to his face which always seemed to sport a five o’clock shadow. The only hair that could be seen was below his navel and trailed down to the waistband of his boxers.
My hand made its way down his chest and over his abs while I tried my best not to think about what he held in there. Would he be big? I knew it was, I’d felt it press into my ass at night more than once. But I never minded it, it just made it harder to fall back asleep.
As my hand neared his belly button I felt him shift and I froze.
When he didn’t move or say anything I felt like the coast was clear enough to continue my exploration of his body. So I laid my palm flat on his stomach to be able to feel every ridge and vein on his strong abs. It wasn’t long before my eyes landed on the V shape of his hips.
I’d never been with someone as well-defined as Death so I couldn’t help myself as my hand trailed even lower. I brushed my thumb over the strong ridge and followed it down until my hand reached his waistband. That’s how far I could go without actually assaulting Death in his sleep.
I slid my fingers over the skin just above his waistband until it met the coarse hair under his belly button. I was so caught up in what I was feeling that I hadn’t noticed the fact he wasn’t snoring anymore, and hadn’t for a while now.
Until his large hand wrapped around my wrist.
