Kyuu’s POV
My discharge was hurried. It was done faster than I expected. I had a few hours to kill before Jin showed up. I am certain he is still asleep, I smiled to myself. That man could sleep through an earthquake.
The nurse who looked after me had brought me some clothes which were donated to their joint charity. She offered them to me, snatching away my old clothes while insisting I needed a new wardrobe. I wore them uneasily as the colours are not my usual style.
“Stop fussing! You look great! Those colours suit you! Wear brighter colours, they’ll make you happier.” The nurse complimented me. Taking one last look in the mirror, I thanked her before leaving my room.
As I was waiting for my discharge papers, I grew bored so I went to the nurse’s station and asked for directions to the nearby park. I needed some peace and quiet. Upon stepping on the grass, I took an inhale of fresh air and stretched myself. This is bliss.
Nature welcomed me like an old friend. The gentle breeze glided through my long hair, sending a wave of ease through me.
“Papa!”
Well, that killed my daydream. I looked around to see a young boy of about age five running towards me. He hugged my leg tightly and blinked up at me with his bright brown eyes.
I stared back in shock, for it was the first time someone called me papa. I looked around for his mother but there was no one to be seen. I looked down at him and managed a smile.
His eyes shone as he grinned back at me, making my heart melt. No kid had ever shown this much closeness to me. I knelt down and whispered: “Hey there, where do you come from? Where is your mother? Are you lost?”
He was silent for a moment before lowering his head. His lips wobbled as he started to cry. I was stunned and panicked to resolve the situation. “There, there.” I patted his head, calming him down.
I remembered a snack I had in my pocket: chocolate. I offered it to him and he stopped crying. Kids. So simple. I watched him devour that small piece of chewy snack. I do not think I had ever observed a kid up close.
He had short light-brown hair, mixed features and olive skin; along with a tall figure for his age. His clothes and shoes are durable but worn out. I wonder if he lives nearby or if his mom is a nurse or doctor.
I felt a tug on my pants and looked down. He had finished his snack and there were smudges of chocolate on his mouth and hands. I laughed and brought him to a nearby water tap to clean him up.
After we were done, he ran off to the middle of the park to play. I followed behind and kept an eye on him. Watching him being playful, I felt happier than ever. The joy of having kids really does make a person’s life brighter.
I felt strangely connected to this boy. As if we understood each other. As if we belong in the same world. Same universe.
Suddenly, he ran over to my side and hugged my leg tightly, refusing to let go. I bent down and asked him if everything was alright. He kept silent. Beginning to get worried, I glanced in his coming direction.
Out of a distance, I saw a woman appear. Running towards me, she had a worried look on her face. I realized she might be his mother and felt disappointed.
“Josh, don’t run out like that anymore. Everyone was worried sick!”
He said nothing and kept close to me. She looked up at me and asked who I was. I told her I was only a stranger passing by.
For some reason, that statement hurt me.
“Let’s go, Josh, it’s time to go home.” She held out her hand.
Josh refused her and held my hand instead.
After being rejected, she asked me to come with her. I picked Josh up and carried him in my arms. He smiled shyly at me, pleased to see that I was still affectionate to him.
We walked for quite a while before stopping at a huge house. I glanced up at the sign: The Salvation Army Boy’s Home.
Those words burned into my mind like hard rocks. I jerked my head back at the woman. Our eyes met and she nodded solemnly.
She led me to a living room and invited me to take a seat. Josh was still holding close to me as he hurried his tiny figure beside me. I smiled warmly at him and patted his head once more.
“Hi. I’m Anne, the keeper of this orphanage.” She introduced herself and began asking me questions about myself. With her persistent questions, I maintained my simple and short answers, not wanting to reveal any past.
Towards the end of her questions, she ended with the most important question: “Do you want to adopt kids? Do you like kids?”
That last question took me to a fast shock as I choked on the tea I was drinking.
Thinking about my current life, I blurt out saying it was impossible for me to have a kid. Hearing my reply, she seemed disappointed and laid her eyes on Josh, relaying his story.
“Josh was born into a troubled family. His father would often disappear for days to feast on alcohol, drugs and women. His mother was depressed and often neglects his health or basic needs. When he was three years old, she died of an overdose. That was only when the social workers noticed his upbringing and rescued him. He was sent to countless orphanages before arriving here. He has never made any friends and paid no attention to anyone. I was surprised he got close to you within seconds. That’s why I’m wondering if you would like to adopt him. He needs a proper family.”
I was silent. His story threw me off. I wanted to hug him. To tell him he is loved. But the words were stuck at the bottom of my throat. I could not even tell myself I am loved. We both doubt ourselves. Our value. Our worth.
That was why we felt connected.
My story was just as messed up as he is. Could I even take care of him? I can barely take care of myself.
“I’m sorry. As much as I wanted to take him, I just couldn’t. My life is as worse as his childhood.” I said, tilting my head down. I felt guilt filling me up as my life experiences began to haunt me once more.
I spent the next hour by Josh’s side, keeping him company. Jin has not called. That means he has not reached the hospital.
Just as Anne said, Josh did not get along with anyone. He kept his distance from others. Perhaps he finds it hard to trust people.
I was the one he trusted. How could I break that trust? How can I leave him alone? Before I know it, I had made my decision.
I mastered my courage to talk to Anne. Before I knew where I was going, everything was said, from my past to my life in Malaysia. She was surprised, but she was willing to accept me as a man. I was happy about her acceptance.
Then, I asked for her permission to adopt Josh as my son. She smiled and nodded her head.
For once in my life, I knew I had made the right decision.
“Josh, can I be your papa?” I knelt down and asked him.
“Papa I love you!” He threw his hands around my neck. I hugged back tighter because I wanted him to know I was as happy as he was.
Soon the registration was complete. I, Kyuu, had adopted a six-year-old son, Hikaru. I renamed him, Hikaru, meaning light. For he will be the light in my life.
Now, I added an addition to my life. My baggage. Will Jin accept? All of me? Will Jin accept him?
I decided to bring Hikaru home after my talk with Jin. To make sure my son is welcomed. My son. I like that. I smiled to myself.
I explained my situation to Anne, she agreed for me to come back later. I then held out my arms to Hikaru, as he ran into my embrace. I stroked his hair tenderly.
“Hikaru, papa needs to do something. I’ll come back to pick you up. I promise.” Holding out my pinky finger, he slowly wrapped his finger with mine. I dropped a kiss on his forehead and smiled.
Heading out of the orphanage, my heart felt lighter. I felt more relaxed than in the last few years of my life. I made my way back to the hospital. Everything seems to sparkle. How amazing it is to change your viewpoint of life. I now had a reason to live on. A son that needed me.
The moment I reached the hospital entrance, Jin called me.
“I’m coming to pick you up. Are you done? Need me to come in?”
“No, I’m done. I’ll meet you outside.”
“Got it. Be there in 10 minutes.”
“Okay. See you.”
Knowing Jin is always on time, I waited for exactly 10 minutes before heading outside.
There he was. Leaning against his car - a black Honda Jazz - dressed in baggy jeans and a clean fitted black t-shirt, his usual black Nikes; his statement chain bracelet rattled against his watch on his right wrist, he is always particular about his clothing style.
I noticed he shaved his stubble, his now-clean face highlighting his attractive jawline; making him more delicious than before. I exhaled sharply. This is not good for my heart.
I took one step closer and his gaze snapped up at me. He flashed me the most dazzling smile before walking over. I handed him my bag and followed him back to the car.
The drive home was silent, more silent than usual. I tried breaking the silence by asking about food. Are we heading home?
“I got your favourite, and coffee. Sit back and wait till we get home.”
He remembered my favourite food. I blushed red before saying my thanks. Watching his smile play upon his face, was he watching me?
We stayed silent throughout the drive. I was thinking. A lot. How do I start our talk? How do I bring up Hikaru? Is it better to mention the adoption first?
“We’re home!” I got startled at Jin’s declaration and smiled. Home. This is my home. Our home.
My favourite scents were there to welcome me home. Coffee and laksa. Who could ever dislike them?
I wolfed down my brunch within seconds. After a huge gulp of coffee, I finally tilted my head to find Jin watching me with the most loving smile I have ever seen.
“Pfftt!” He reached out and wiped my mouth with his finger. “There’s laksa stains on your mouth.” We exchanged a chorus of laughter.
When silence took over, I knew it was time. I took a shaky breath and tried to calm my nervousness. I should talk about Hikaru first. Yes, that would be better.
“Jin?” He seemed deep in thought. What was he thinking of?
“What is it?”
“I’m gonna be a dad.” I braced myself for his reaction.
“........!!!” He stared at me in shock.
I slid my hand across the table and held his. He immediately squeezed my fingers. That is a good sign.
And... here we go.
