The next morning, I kept my head down during breakfast and did not say a word. I was determined not to tell Yuriko about my plans and pushed away the guilt creeping inside. It was my first time betraying her and going against her words. I decided to meet Kawamura. After bidding farewell, I went to work and attended to my usual work routine.
The day went by smoothly…
After work, I called home and informed Rin I would not be back for dinner. I drove my car to the address he gave me and stopped at a villa located nearby. I saw Kawamura waiting at the entrance of the villa, smoking a cigarette. As soon as he saw me, his eyes lit up with delight. I slowly entered his lair.
He led me into his bedroom and poured me some Sake. I took the ceramic cup and drank it without any thought, keeping my face void of expression. His constant stare was inevitable to miss.
I accepted another helping of sake. Downing the alcohol in another mouthful, he came over and sat beside me. He touched my hair gently without breaking his stare. I flinched slightly as his hands glided over my hair to my neck. He seemed to be testing me as he touches my skin, observing my reactions and shivers with the same intensive stare.
His demeanour changed and he pounced on me, pushing me onto the bed. With the same lustful glint in his eyes, he tied my hands with his belt. As soon as he had me naked and tied down, he laid down beside me and continued to stroke me tenderly like a tiny kitten. I was powerless within his grasp and had to endure everything that was done to me. My body flickered with warning alerts as he touched every inch of my chest. Finally, he sucked on my nipples, causing me to groan with pleasure.
Hearing my moans, he smiled and held me lovingly. Being my first sexual experience, I drowned in his tenderness and touches. Each time he licks my body, butterflies appear in my stomach. I was oblivious to the warnings beforehand and responded excitedly to his every touch, his words, his scent ... Slowly, I was unable to resist him and started to feel the hot sensation that he gave me. My conscious mind blanked out and I gave into pleasure.
In a blink of an eye, I collapsed on the bed in exhaustion. Kawamura laid down beside me and leaned on my shoulder. I was surprised he had shown such a gentle expression toward me. My heart skipped a beat when he opened his eyes and looked at me with such warmth in his eyes that I melted in his arms. He joyfully accepted my affectionate gesture; as he stroked my body tenderly.
As my senses came back to my body, so did my realisation of reality.
It was my first time. The first time I realized the feelings of love and warmth. My first experience with a man. My first experience with sex.
I was drowning in temptation and lust.
Suddenly, the phone rang, interrupting my thoughts. I blinked as I watched him stand up and answer the call, returning back to the ice-cold man he once was with his endless heartless remarks. When he hung up, he told me he had to work and he asked me to come back tonight. I nodded quietly, knowing he was now in a foul mood and it is better not to go against him. I got up, changed into my suit and left the villa.
As I got to work, my mind was full of this man. In every second, I remembered his touches, his piercing gaze, his unusual smile, and his sleeping expression. I slacked at my work for the first time, shocking my clients and my colleagues. I had become the very person I hated. The kind of person that failed to be professional.
I took a break, refreshing myself in the restroom during lunchtime, and noticed my dreamy expression and blushing cheeks. I blushed redder at the sight of my face. Somehow, I had fallen head-over-heels for Kawamura. I knew it was wrong since I already had a girlfriend.
Furthermore, Kawamura did not have a love interest in me. I was merely a plaything for him during this period as he had nothing to do. I was assured that he would dump me as soon as he found another lover to take my place. My heart throbbed with pain at the thought of it.
I managed to clear my thoughts and went back to work; with my usual serious devotion. After work, I did not return home. Instead, I walked slowly around the street; lingering around while searching for comfort. Eventually, a man came toward me and offered to buy me a drink.
Without any hesitation, I went with him. He took me to a gay bar and ordered a beer for me. I drank it without any thought. He stared and asked if I am gay. I smiled at him; not giving any answer. He seemed satisfied with my smile and put his hand on my knee. After a few rounds, he made a sign saying that he wants me to go with him. I followed him to his apartment which was just around the corner.
He unlocked the door and welcomed me inside. I went in and turned my nose up. His apartment smelled like rotten food. He did not seem to mind such a stench. He sat on a futon and I sat down beside him. He immediately began to touch my body, tracing his fingers on my chest. I did not make any movement as he took me in his arms. He became excited and appeared more aggressive. I flinched in pain when he took me halfway. His love-making was horrible.
As soon as he was done, he collapsed on the futon; making a sign that I could leave. I dressed and left the apartment. I checked my watch; it was 12.10 in the morning. I checked my phone; only to discover I had over a hundred missed calls and messages. While my sister and Rin had only called me once, the rest was bombarded by the man that took over my mind the entire day. I immediately called and waited for him to answer. He answered on the third ring and began shouting at me endlessly.
I ran to his villa and knocked on the door. He opened the door and glared at me; his eyes burned with fury. Before I could say a word, he dragged me in and threw me on the bed. I flinched with fear as he pulled my clothes so furiously that the buttons spilt everywhere.
He forcefully stripped me naked and gripped my hands so hard that it was sure to leave a bruise. He demanded where I went and slapped me across the face. Shivering with fear, I told him I did not appear because I thought he had important things to deal with. He slapped me again; this time on the cheek until my cheeks were red from the pain. He started to beat me up with his fists; I cried out in pain. My effort to stop him was in vain as I was powerless over his strength.
He continued beating me endlessly until I nearly fainted; only then did he stop and sat down on the bed. After a while, I got up and immediately collapsed back onto the bed. My body hurt so badly that my head was spinning. I fainted dizzily as I heard shouts and then, nothing more was heard.
