CHAPTER 1.
ME.
"Which room sounded the alarm? Another emergency?? Which room? 303? The same patient? Call Doctor Yamamoto! Hurry!”
“Ma’am, the doctor is doing an operation. Please be patient.”
“Well, find another doctor! My daughter needs help!”
The endless buzzing of emergency rooms, heated conversations between nurses, fidgety parents standing in different directions, children crying, depressed atmospheres...
This is chaos.
And to think hospitals are supposed to be peaceful.
My inner monologue continued. As if narrating my life story, I subconsciously listened to my mother crying, the scent of sanitiser disgusted me. Soft chirping sounds of summer crickets chirping outside the window. This is the familiar sight I hated.
Summer in Japan is hellish. Remind me why am I back in this locked-up institution? Every single time I was promised this would be the “last visit”, it never is. I am done. Done with this weak body... Did anyone hear me? I. AM. DONE!!!
Bleep... Bleep... Bleep... Bleep...
My eyelashes flickered ever so slightly, adjusting to my surroundings. Back in the hospital, I signed. How much more pain? How much can this body hold on? How many years can I go on enduring?
“She needs proper treatment in Tokyo. This is only so much we can do.” Doctor Yamamoto - Aka. my doctor says for the first, if not the billionth time.
I chuckled loudly, alerting my parents I am awake. My mother ran to my side and stroked my damp hair. I faked a smile, assuring her I am okay as always. But I am not. Not this time. Because this time, I will miss my graduation trip. All because of this weak body.
I am twenty years old. I had to retake two years in high school and still, I missed all my tests, I missed all my field trips and now; my graduation trip. Can my life get any worse than this? Why don’t you just stab me with a knife and be done with it? I closed my eyes as the morphine kicked in, leading me into a deep sleep.
Sleep is something I indulge in. So I do not think of anything else. So I would be thankful for my life and how my parents cared for me. Sleep is my escape. Sleep is my sanctuary. Sleep has become my life.
Slowly I regained consciousness, I am alone in the hospital room. My parents probably went home and let me rest. I struggled to get up, lowering myself into my wheelchair. Although my doctor and other nurses forbid me to leave my room, I ignored their warnings and did as I please. Reaching my favourite spot in the hospital garden, I took a deep breath of fresh air.
Summer in Kyoto has always been clear and refreshing. I love my hometown. I love the simplicity of life, the sound of bugs chirping in the summer, the quietness of the night and the kindness of the people. However, my dream lies in the city, a fast-paced lifestyle I know nothing about.
I knew how impossible that dream is. My heart problem has forbidden me to play outdoors for the past twenty years. I could not even walk freely without my parents’ supervision. Despite being lovingly cared for, I felt closeted by my family I wanted to get out of the nest. I wanted to experience life on my own.
As I fixate on the wonder of my dreams, I heard birds flapping their wings in the sky and tilt my vision towards them. How I long to be as free as them; flying to various places, experiencing various scenery and sights.
For as long as I can remember, I wanted freedom. I wanted to feel the luxury of being independent. Through the thoughts of my mind, I sought the plan to escape. Just enough for me to go somewhere…
A week, just one week…
Let me fly to my dream. Let me live my dream.
Experiencing the first excitement in my life, I planned my trip. Bit by bit, I requested the necessities I needed for myself. Extra medication, clothes, and the hidden savings I had under my pillow. Thankfully, no one suspected anything.
The day finally came. I laid in bed and waited for the lights to dim, the corridors to be silent, and the patrol guard to pass by. With one last swift look at the hospital room I had lived in for years, I sighed, both relief and sadness, and then; I left.
I remembered all the CCTVs and hid from them. Upon passing the guardhouse, I ducked under the window and crept passed security. I ran and stopped at the bus station. Within minutes, I sat on a bus for the first time in my life. I reached the train station and booked my first train ticket.
A ticket to Tokyo.
I found my seat and made myself comfortable. As it was dark and quiet, I dozed off to sleep with the synchronizing sounds of the train tracks moving.
“I needed this. My decision. My choice. My life.”
