So, my decision was made.
Malaysia is a country in South-East Asia. A tropical country where you do not need seasonal clothes or coats. A country where 25 degrees is considered “cold”. A country where mosquitoes and bugs annoy you every single day.
I wanted a change. I needed this change.
A place that was different from Tokyo and Seoul. I visited Malaysia once for a business trip. The city of Kuala Lumpur takes me to another dimension. A dimension for exploration.
The culture is so much different from the countries I have been to. I boarded the plane and settled down to sleep. I arrived in a completely foreign city. Wow is one word. I began travelling back to the situation when I first came to Tokyo.
Everything was surreal to me. I took my time exploring the places in that city. The name of the city is Kuching, the capital of the largest state in Malaysia: Sarawak. Kuching means cat in their native language.
Kuching moves at a slower pace than Kuala Lumpur. There are no trains and limited bus services. Cars everywhere!! I rented a car to ease my transport convenience as I slowly made my way around this exotic city.
I rented a house in a neighbourhood called Tabuan Jaya. It was a neighbourhood with a lot of families and children. The people were very hospitable. Whilst chatting with my landlord, I realized I was in a Chinese neighbourhood. Thankfully to be able to speak a bit of Mandarin, I was able to converse with many locals, including my landlord. I managed to settle comfortably within the neighbourhood before deciding on my next step.
Before my departure, I had transferred some savings to another international bank account under an alias. I felt it was for the best, without anyone detecting my spending and location. I knew that sooner or later I will have to face my fears, now it is just me avoiding facing them.
I had also changed my name, hopefully for the final time; to a simple syllable: Kyuu or Q (in English). I gave myself time to adapt to their culture and lifestyle. During this time, I also quietly observed if there were any news reporting about my disappearance.
As I grew closer to my acquaintances, I gained knowledge of these different races of locals who speak different languages and have different backgrounds. However, they all speak a common language, Bahasa Malaysia or Melayu. Somehow, I picked up the basics of speaking their native language there.
The people there were very easy to get along with. Well, most of them. I got a job in a business company which also involves trading. I was only an employee but I enjoyed the atmosphere and the relationship with my colleagues. After work, I usually ate dinner with them before heading to a bar for a couple of drinks to ease my stress. I was close with some of the bartenders who were homosexuals but I never got into a relationship with them. It was mainly drinking and hanging out together. As I reached home late at night, I immediately fell into a deep sleep. I did not want to get home while thinking of Shin or my family back in Japan.
This is what I could do without worrying much about the past.
Hurt or pain, it still existed.

One year slowly passed, and I got used to my lifestyle in Kuching. It was enjoyable in everyday life. It was not chaotic or happening. It was mild but peaceful.
There was an occurrence that happened one day when I was browsing for information on the Internet. I stumbled upon an article about my disappearance. For a second, time had stopped. I stared endlessly at the picture of me portrayed in that article. That faint smile. That attire. That name. That life. That was me.
Darkness took over. I dashed home and locked myself in the bathroom. As the rainfall of showers poured on my back. I was pushing and pulling myself in and out of reality and the past.
Flashbacks of my home. Flashbacks of my family. Flashbacks of my happiness. All gone. None existed. Nothing is left.
For a moment, I felt the urge to go back home. I missed my hometown even though Kuching was a good place to be. Instead, reality pulled me back to face what I had been through. There was no way I will be going back! Not when that man is still around... The tugging of my mind was endless...
I quit my job at the company and began working at a small pub and bar. I hardly made myself shown during the daytime and stayed at home. At night, I was approachable and everybody knew me as the ”night panther“. I usually wore black and was more of a quiet type when dealing with customers. I did not make a fuss when I got this nickname. Besides that, I hardly disclose any of my personal information to the public or customers. The only ones that knew were my boss and the same employees working together in the bar. Furthermore, I was careful enough to not let others know.
Every day became a routine. I became a hollow shell. No emotions. No baggage. No color.
I froze my heart.
Days dragged on and on. It seemed like forever.
I began to have second thoughts about what I should actually do to make things right…
Time went by without an answer. I had no answer.
