I am back. The white room. The bright room. The room with just me.
Why am I here? I hate this place. The place I could not feel. The place I could not touch.
It is quiet. Silence. I hated it. The silence made it easy for words to come in. For thoughts to consume me.
Am I asleep? I looked at my hands, gripping them tightly. I could not feel anything.
I thought hard about what happened before this. I was home. I saw Jin kissing someone. I was showering. End of story. What happened after that?
Slowly, I started blinking back to reality...
Jin’s POV
I watched Kyuu stir in his sleep. For the last 24 hours, I did not leave his side. My fingers never left his wrist. Stroking the thick bandage, I wondered if there were other scars on his body.
How should I ask him about this?
Out of the blue, I felt his fingers clenching into a fist. Is it a nightmare? I slowly touched his hand and untangled his fingers. My other hand reached out and gently soothed his forehead.
I tried thinking about what to say once he woke up. We are both broken people. We push people away. But I need him, and I know he needs me. He will probably push me away if he knows my feelings. The question is am I strong enough to be persistent? Strong enough for him. For us.
I slowly descended into darkness as my mind entered corruption. With our possible future taking over my nightmares. His existence helped. I just wished I could do the same for him.
Kyuu’s POV
My nose twitched. The smell. The coldness. Hospitals.
I finally awakened from my deep slumber. My vision blurred. It was nighttime. Adjusting to my whereabouts, I am in a room. Alone. I looked around. Ummm... I AM in a hospital, right?
And then, I heard it. The sound of snoring… A familiar sound.
My eyes shifted to my right, lowering my gaze; I found Jin resting with his eyes closed. His fingers were wrapped around my right hand. He looked tired.
I sat up immediately and groaned. Ouch! My stomach hurt. Why does it hurt? Why am I in a hospital? Full of questions, my left hand reached out and brushed over Jin’s hair.
Watching Jin wake up made me blush. He looks so sexy, rugged and all. I avoided looking at him and started picking at my bandage. I have done something stupid again.
A hand reached out and pinched my cheeks.
“Ow! What was that for?” I grumbled, rubbing my soon-to-be-red cheek.
“For you being an ass for doing stupid things.” Jin shot back. “Do you know how worried I was?!”
“... I’m sorry” I mumble. “I haven’t done that for a while... kinda forgotten how to deal with it. Jin? W-wait! Stop!”
Jin stood up furiously and began tugging on my clothes. “Where are they? Show me!” He screamed. He pinned me down and started to strip my shirt. I wanted to fight back, but the sensation was so familiar. I felt fear. Tears filled and dripped down. I don’t want this!
Jin froze his actions. I raised my hands to hide my tears, I wanted to curl up but my stomach was still hurting. This fear I have, I hated it. I hate that it still controls my life.
A pair of hands hugged me tightly. I flinched and perked up to find Jin’s pained expression, just inches away from me.
“I’m sorry. I scared you.” He whispered softly. His embrace is tender.
We lingered in time, wrapped in each other’s embrace. Physical touch was not for me. I would get flashbacks. But it was different with Jin. Simple yet different. We both took the time to feel each other. The warmth. The touch. The heartbeat.
“You smell so good,” Jin smirks wickedly, making me blush. Why does he affect me so much?
Breaking apart, I realized my trembling has stopped. He has a way of calming me down. Observing unintentionally, once again I found myself squealing internally over this man.
Touching my fingers with his, Jin’s stare continued to penetrate my soul. He seemed to be searching for something. Me? My past? I stared back at him. We gazed hungrily at each other.
“Be mine.”
Two words slid out, barely a whisper. I was not sure if I heard it right. I blinked at him, confused.
“Be mine. I want you.” Jin repeated, slower but clearer for me.
I blinked again. Huh? Does he want me? Me? This broken person? This person nobody loved?
Why?
Jin’s POV
“Be mine.”
The only two words I could mutter. Was it enough? Did he understand?
Kyuu was silent. Blinking slowly at me, as if flashes of confusion went through his mind. He is confused.
I repeated my words slowly but carefully. I needed him to understand. He is mine. No one else can help him. No one else can have him.
I pulled him towards me. I know my touch calms him. I do not know if he notices. But I do. There are times when I could read him like a piece of paper. His emotions. His pain. If only I could read his past.
“Please trust me. I’m not going anywhere. I want us to be together. Let me love you. Let me care for you. No matter what burden you have, let me shoulder it. I love you.”
Kyuu was silent. I pulled back to see tears rolling down his cheeks.
“You love me? B-but I-I...” He choked, tears rolling down.
My heart ached. Is he pushing me away? Would it assure him if he knew my past? But… How do I tell him... Will he leave too? Will he reject me?
“Ssshhhhh....” I stroked his hair. “I’ll wait for you. I want to know your past. Your everything. Don’t worry. I’ll be right here.” I kiss his forehead.
“No..” Kyuu pushed me away and shook his head. “You will leave. Everyone will. I am a freak. I don’t even know who I am.”
“Listen Kyuu, whoever left you, they lost. I am not him. I will not leave. That is my promise to you.” I stated firmly. I was silently killing the bastard who hurt him.
“Don’t...” He croaks. I pushed my way in and hugged him tightly.
“Don’t.. leave.” He shudders, hugging me back. I smiled and felt his touch.
I will be right here, waiting for you.
