“Wait.. please.. don’t go... don’t leave... I’m sorry… Please... Forgive me… Please…”
I am surrounded by darkness. I do not know where I am. I could not see anyone. I could not feel anything.
I am exhausted. My mind is tired.
A path of walk to no destination. No direction.
Slowly, I walked into brightness.
A warm bright room of whiteness. There is no end. There is no door. There is no one.
I walked and walked. There really is no end. I stopped and looked around.
Where am I?
I see silhouettes of people. People I know. People I remember.
My parents. Yuriko. Rin. Shin. Jin.
I stared hungrily at them.
I reached out. I wanted to hug them. I wanted to feel them. I wanted to be hugged by them. I longed for affection and love.
I could not.
My hands are transparent. I am transparent.
I am invisible?!
No one sees me.
Why does no one see me?

I woke up with tears running down my face. My heart hurts. My body feels heavy. My mind is running. There is no off switch.
I got up and opened my curtains. 8 am. The perfect time to enjoy the view of early dawn as the sun just rose above the peak of the sky.
I got dressed and went down to the kitchen. Jin was not back yet. I made myself breakfast and lazed around before getting out for a walk. I walked along the street watching people as they hurry by.
As I looked at them, nostalgia hit me. I remembered my life back in Japan. I used to rush to the office, going through work for 10 hours a day while right now; I did not blend in with any of the working class. It was as if I do not fit in any company at all.
My heart pierced in pain at the fact that I had changed every part of my life.
I could have a happy family with my real family back in Kyoto, but I abandoned it for freedom.
I could be safe enough if I was not curious to be abducted and transformed into another life.
It would be normal if I was not bold enough to search for Shin when he was late for a meeting.
I would be fine if I did not choose to “visit” his villa when my sister advised me not to.
I would be fine if I did not leave my second family.
Most of all, I would be perfectly fine if I did not fall in love with Kawamura Shin.
My heart sank as I recalled every single memory of my devastated life...
My decisions. Are utter shit.

Moments of internal cries finally settle back to chaos.
I made it home to see a car parked outside our house. Jin got out and walked to the driver’s window. I watched as he leaned in to kiss the driver.
Ouch! I felt my heart throb.
No. No. NO!!! I froze my heart. It is not supposed to feel this way.
Stop it right now!!
I ran past Jin into the house and bolted my room door. These emotions need to stop. I just need to cool down. That is right. Everything will be fine.
I walked to my bathroom and turned on the shower. I sat on the floor as the cold water soaked into my clothes. I began rocking my body to and fro. My mind starts working. The words. The darkness. The voice. It is endless. It is limitless.
I do not know how long I was pushing out my mind. My thoughts. I screamed internally. LEAVE ME ALONE!!! These tortures wouldn’t stop...
I started banging my head, wishing the words would stop. It did not. My ears were ringing. I need release. I need to escape. Just once. Please.
“Shaaaaaaa......” The sound of the showers. Oh yeah. I was showering.
Did my mind finally stop? Did I succeed?
The pounding stopped. The chaos stopped. The voice stopped. Silence. Peace. Heaven.
“KYUU!!”
Is that my name? I blinked slowly. My vision blurred. I see a figure towering over me. I released my fingers and grimaced. My arm hurts. Why?
Someone lifted me up. Who? I struggled to break free. I do not like this. Let go.
“Kyuu. It’s me. It’s okay now. I’m here. Let’s go to the hospital.” Jin’s gentle voice whispered in my ear.
“J-Jin... Why? Don’t leave. Stay with me” I wheezed out my words.
“Sssshhhhh...”
Finally, I liberate my strength. Everything I had. Everything I was enduring. Nothing was left.
My mind is quiet. Finally.
